Writer's Guide: Writing Flirting & Falling in Love
A series by Jake Zuurbier
Writing a believable romance is much more than penning a few witty lines or throwing two characters into one bed. You're going to want (as both reader and writer) a connection that feels real—one that grows, changes, and challenges your characters in ways that readers can relate to. Whether your story is a slow-burn fantasy epic, a pulse-pounding mystery with romantic tension, or even a horror novel where love blooms in the face of terror, relationships need to unfold naturally to get a place in your audience's heart (or break it). But if done poorly—say, with insta-love that skips the foundation or over-the-top gestures that feel forced—it can leave your readers rolling their eyes instead of rooting for your couple.
So how do you nail it? How do you make that lingering look, that awkward joke, or that slow descent into love feel authentic? In this guide, I’ll break down the key elements of flirting, pacing, and relationship timeline building, pulling from real-life dynamics and narrative tools to help you craft couples that readers believe in, swoon over, or even scream at.
This guide will walk you through how to write flirtation, chemistry, and the emotional journey of falling in love, no matter your genre.
Understanding Flirting: The Art of Subtext
Flirting in fiction isn’t just about saying the right things—it’s about how things are said, what isn’t said, and the underlying tension between two characters. The best flirtation is layered, where dialogue and actions leave room for interpretation, making readers hold their breath in anticipation. It’s about the push-and-pull of attraction, the unspoken tension, and the uncertainty of Will they? Won’t they?
Subtext is everything when writing flirting. Sometimes, characters might be saying one thing but meaning another entirely. The way they look at each other, their hesitations, and even the way they hold back can be just as important as what they express outright.
The Different Types of Fictional Flirting
Not every character flirts the same way! Their personalities, backgrounds, and dynamics with each other all influence how they interact. Here are some common (and highly effective) styles of flirting:
1. Witty Banter: When Words Become Foreplay
Witty banter is the ultimate sign of intelligence and chemistry. This style of flirting relies on quick, clever exchanges that keep both characters on their toes. It works especially well in enemies-to-lovers, rivalries, or opposites attract dynamics.
Key Features:
Fast-paced, sharp dialogue
Playful jabs that show mutual respect
Characters trying to one-up each other
Hidden compliments disguised as insults
Example of Witty Banter:
“You know, if you keep looking at me like that, I might start thinking you like me.”
“I was actually trying to figure out how long it would take me to outsmart you.”
“Oh? How’s that working out for you?”
“I’ll let you know when I get there.”2. Physical Teasing: The Almost-Touch That Kills You
Flirting isn’t just about words—it’s about space, tension, and proximity. Sometimes, not touching is more powerful than actually making contact. This type of flirting is visceral, playing with sensory details to make interactions feel more intimate.
Key Features:
“Accidental” brushes of hands, shoulders, or legs
Fixing their tie, brushing off lint, or tucking a strand of hair behind an ear
Leaning in too close but never quite closing the gap
Whispering when it’s completely unnecessary
Example of Physical Teasing:
She reached over to adjust his tie, smoothing the fabric between her fingers.
“There. You should try looking respectable once in a while.”
His lips quirked into a smirk. “Careful, darling. If you keep touching me like that, people might start talking.”3. Double Meanings & Innuendos: Saying Everything Without Saying It
This type of flirting is about implication. The words themselves might seem innocent, but the tone, expression, or context suggest something else entirely. It’s playful, often leading one character to pretend they didn’t mean anything suggestive—while the other character calls them out on it.
Key Features:
Saying something that could be completely normal—but isn’t
Giving characters plausible deniability (“Oh? I didn’t mean it like that… unless?”)
Leading the other person into responding in a flustered or equally suggestive way
Works beautifully in friends-to-lovers or cocky/playful love interests
Example of Innuendo:
“You’re staring, darling.”
“Am I? I was just… admiring your outfit.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Oh? What part of it exactly?”
She grinned. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”4. Eye Contact & Body Language: The Power of Unspoken Desire
Sometimes, the most intense flirting happens without a single word spoken. The way two characters look at each other, the tension in their posture, the shift of weight toward one another—it all tells a story.
Key Features:
Holding eye contact just a second too long
Looking at their lips instead of their eyes
Mirroring each other’s movements
Smirking when caught staring
Swallowing, adjusting clothing, shifting weight (all subconscious reactions to attraction)
Example of Flirty Eye Contact:
Across the crowded room, their eyes met. He didn’t look away.
Neither did she.
A slow smirk tugged at his lips—just enough to make her heart skip.
He had her attention. And he knew it.5. Friendly Rivalry: The Flirtation of Playful Antagonism
Ever seen two characters argue so much you just know they’re in love? That’s because playful competition is one of the most entertaining ways to create tension. When characters push each other’s buttons, it shows mutual respect and unspoken attraction.
Key Features:
Playful insults that hit just the right nerve
Daring each other to do ridiculous things
“Oh, you think you’re better than me?” moments
A challenge that leads to a very close moment (“Loser buys drinks?”)
Example of Friendly Rivalry:
“If you keep running your mouth like that, I’m going to have to shut you up.”
She leaned in, smirking. “Oh? And how exactly would you do that?"
His gaze flickered to her lips for just a second. “I have a few ideas.”6. Shyness & Blushing: Flirting for the Soft & Sweet
Not all flirting is bold and confident. Some of the most charming flirtation comes from nervous energy, fumbled words, and the sheer panic of realizing you have a crush.
Key Features:
Stuttering, looking away, getting flustered
Blushing at anything
Trying (and failing) to be smooth
Accidentally saying something embarrassing (“You have nice arms—uh, I mean—your arms are…normal. I mean—oh my god, never mind.”)
Example of Shy Flirting:
“You always do that.”
He frowned. “Do what?”
She hesitated, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “Look at me like you’re about to say something, then don’t.”
“Maybe I like watching you figure it out.”
Her breath caught—just for a second—before she rolled her eyes and looked away. “That’s unfair.”
“Is it?” His voice was low, amused. “Or are you just bad at guessing?”
She exhaled a quiet laugh, and shook her head. “I don’t know… maybe you should just tell me.”
For a moment, it felt like he might. Instead, he leaned back, smirking. “Where’s the fun in that?”
Chemistry: The Spark That Makes Readers Swoon
Flirting is fun, but chemistry is what keeps readers hooked. Why do these characters belong together? What makes their interactions irresistible? Chemistry in fiction isn’t just about attraction—it’s about connection. It’s about two characters who challenge, complement, and ultimately see each other in a way no one else does.
How to Create Chemistry Between Characters
1. Contrast in Personalities
Opposites attract for a reason. A bold, confident flirt paired with someone reserved and hesitant? Instant tension. A free spirit who pulls a structured, rule-following character out of their comfort zone? That’s the good kind of chaos. This contrast creates friction, and friction keeps things interesting.
Example:
“Do you ever stop talking?”
“Not when I’m enjoying myself.”
“You’re enjoying this?”
“Obviously. Look at you—you’re having fun too.”2. Mutual Understanding
The best chemistry isn’t just built on attraction—it’s about that click. Maybe it’s a shared experience, an inside joke, or an unspoken bond. It’s that thing that makes them feel like they belong together, even before they realize it themselves.
Example:
He passed her a cup of coffee, exactly how she liked it. No words, no questions—just a quiet, effortless understanding.
“I didn’t even ask for this,” she said softly.
“You didn’t have to.”3. Unresolved Tension
Something needs to hold them back—at least for a while. Whether it’s an external obstacle (rivalry, forbidden love, bad timing) or internal fear (past heartbreak, self-doubt), the push-and-pull dynamic makes their eventual closeness even more satisfying.
Example of Unresolved Tension:
He tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “You know this is a terrible idea.”
“I know,” her voice is barely above a whisper.
“We should stop.”
“We should.”
Neither of them moves.4. Physical & Emotional Awareness
It’s not just about the big moments—it’s the small, unconscious observations. How they notice the little things about each other. How they remember details no one else does. How they react when the other is in the room.
Example:
She was surrounded by people, but he could still pick out the sound of her laughter in the crowd.5. The Push & Pull Dynamic
They get close, but something always interrupts the moment—whether it’s external (a friend walking in, a duty calling them away) or internal (one of them pulling back before they get too close). It keeps the tension alive, making every interaction feel electric.
Example:
He leaned in, her breath hitched—
“Hey, guys!” someone called.
They jumped apart.
“Right,” he mumbled. “Perfect timing.”The Slow Burn: How to Make Falling in Love Feel Real
Readers love to feel a relationship grow. The best romance isn’t rushed—it’s a journey. It’s the slow shift from “I tolerate you” to “I’m thinking about you more than I should” to “I don’t know how to live without you.” The buildup makes the payoff so much sweeter.
Stages of Falling in Love in Fiction
1. Intrigue & Initial Attraction
They notice each other. Maybe it’s a spark of curiosity. Maybe it’s outright annoyance. Either way, they leave an impression—something makes them impossible to ignore.
Example:
He was the most irritating person she’d ever met. Unfortunately, he was also the only one who made her laugh like this.2. Growing Curiosity
They want to understand each other. Whether through rivalry, fascination, or forced proximity, they start paying attention. Maybe they challenge each other. Maybe they find excuses to talk.
Example:
“You hate me,” he said.
“I don’t hate you,” she admitted.
“You just spend all your time pretending I don’t exist?”
“Exactly.”3. Unexpected Moments of Vulnerability
This is where the walls start to crack. Maybe it’s a confession at 2 a.m. Maybe it’s a quiet moment of shared sadness. Either way, they see something real in each other—something that makes their connection deeper than just attraction.
Example:
“I don’t let people in,” she whispered.
“I know,” he said. “But I think you want to.”4. Denial or Resistance
The I shouldn’t like them. I don’t like them. Do I like them? phase. This can stem from pride, fear, or just sheer stubbornness. Whatever the reason, they fight it—even though they’re already in too deep.
Example:
He told himself it was nothing. That the way his heart stuttered when she smiled was just habit.
He was very, very wrong.5. The Moment They Know
One gesture, one sentence, one moment when they realize. Maybe it’s dramatic—like seeing them with someone else. Maybe it’s quiet—like watching them laugh and knowing, yeah, that’s it.
Example:
She was laughing at something ridiculous, and for some reason, it hit him like a punch to the gut.
He wanted to make her laugh for the rest of his life.6. Confession or Realization
Either they finally admit their feelings, or something (a crisis, a separation) forces them to face the truth. This is the payoff moment, the one that makes readers clutch the book to their chest and sigh.
Example:
“I don’t know when it happened,” he said, voice low.
“When what happened?” she asked.
“When I stopped wanting to be anywhere you weren’t.”
The Kiss & Beyond: Building Romantic Payoff
The almost moments are just as important as the actual kiss. The best romantic tension is built through anticipation.
Ways to Build Up to a Kiss:
Interrupted Kisses: The world keeps getting in the way—until it doesn’t.
Unspoken Tension: They both know what’s coming but are pretending otherwise.
Confessions Leading to a Kiss: “I shouldn’t want you, but I do.”
Unexpected Kisses: A moment of pure, undeniable emotion takes over.
The “Finally” Kiss: When the tension finally snaps, and they just go for it.
Example of a Romantic Payoff:
His fingers hesitated at her jawline, waiting for her to pull away.
She didn’t.
And that was all he needed.Writing Romance in Different Genres
Romance works across all genres, but the pacing and tropes change depending on what you’re writing.
Romance Genre (60K-90K words)
The romance is the main plot.
The slow burn (or instant attraction) takes center stage.
HEA (Happily Ever After) or HFN (Happy for Now) is expected.
Fantasy & Sci-Fi Romance (90K-120K words)
Romance develops alongside the adventure.
Often includes high-stakes tension (saving the world and each other).
May involve supernatural or otherworldly barriers.
Thriller/Mystery with Romance (70K-100K words)
Romance takes a backseat to the plot but adds emotional stakes.
Tension comes from danger, secrets, and trust issues.
Often includes forbidden romance elements.
Historical Romance (80K-120K words)
Slow burns are very slow due to societal norms.
Dialogue is often more formal, with longing looks over direct flirtation.
Reputation, class differences, or war often complicate the romance.
Pro Tip: If your romance is a subplot, focus on how it affects the main character’s emotional arc rather than making it the driving force of the story.
Final Thoughts: Making Readers Feel It
Writing flirting & falling in love isn’t just about the big moments—it’s about the small ones. The brush of fingertips. The way they look at each other across a crowded room. The aching tension of knowing and not knowing, wanting and waiting.
Romance is about making your readers fall with your characters. Make them feel the butterflies, the longing, and the heart-pounding intensity of falling in love.
Jake Zuurbier, born in 2002, is a writer with a broad background. With a degree in both Business and Management, his work in writing is combined with a business in books & home decor and multiple forms of other output like art pieces or meditations. He has worked jobs in retail and horeca, ranging from working kitchen in a hotel-restaurant to refugee center work.
In his free time, he is just as occupied. Photography, weight lifting, kickboxing, cooking and reading are amongst his hobbies. Most of the art in his books (and some pieces on this site) are made by himself.
To learn more, or get in contact, visit www.apolloimperium.com/jakezuurbier
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