Writer’s Guide to Writing Flirting & Falling in Love

Writer's Guide: Writing Flirting & Falling in Love

A series by Jake Zuurbier

There is more to romance-writing than just writing the emotional highs or the kisses (or more, if you're a smut writer). Love is complicated, and emotions even more so. To build a believable romance, you have to take into consideration that most people don't fall in love at first sight. Some do, but even those people usually have to grow in their relationship over time. After all, two people are coming together and learning to live with one another. You can't just throw them into a bed or write a few witty lines. If done poorly, say, with insta-love that skips the foundation or over-the-top gestures that feel forced, it can leave your readers rolling their eyes instead of rooting for your couple.

So how do you make a romance that people can't get enough of? In this guide, I’ll break down the key elements of flirting, pacing, and relationship timeline building, using context from real-life dynamics and tools to help you write couples that readers believe in, swoon over, or even scream at.

FLIRTING & THE ART OF SUBTEXT

Subtext is everything when writing flirting. Sometimes, characters might be saying one thing but meaning another entirely. Think of the way they look at each other, their hesitations, and even the way they hold back. All can be just as important as what they say outright. Oftentimes, it's more important. All that inner monologue that you're writing down about a character pining for another will get readers on the edge... of their seats.

Not every character flirts the same way. Their personalities, backgrounds, and dynamics with each other all influence how they interact. A mid-twenties psychologist from Brooklyn will flirt differently than a thirty year old farmer from Kentucky. They are shaped by what they know and how they've seen others interact, both in real life from for example their parents, and in movies or shows. Keep in mind to make each of your character's tones different from one another to make them believable as people, once you've done that, you can start to make their relationship believable.

Here are some common (and highly effective) styles of flirting:

1. Witty Banter

Witty banter is one of those things that readers usually really enjoy reading, and for you as a writer, it can be really fun to come up with. This style of flirting relies on quick, clever exchanges that keep both characters on their toes. It works especially well in enemies-to-lovers, rivalries, or opposites attract dynamics.

Think of:

• Fast-paced, sharp dialogue

• Playful hits that show mutual respect

• Characters trying to one-up each other

• Hidden compliments disguised as insults

Example of Witty Banter:

“If you keep running your mouth like that, I’m going to have to shut you up.”
She leaned in, smirking. “Oh? And how exactly would you do that?"
His eyes flickered to her lips for just a second. “I have a few ideas.”

2. Physical Teasing

There is more to flirting than simply speaking to one another. A very effective tool in writing flirting and romance is STP: Space, Tension, and Proximity. Sometimes, not touching is more powerful than actually making contact. This type of flirting is visceral, and very effective if you pair it with a well written inner monologue. Secondly, add sensory details to make interactions feel more intimate.

Think of:

• “Accidental” brushes of hands, shoulders, or legs

• Fixing their tie, brushing off lint, or tucking a strand of hair behind an ear

• Leaning in too close but never quite closing the gap

• Whispering when it’s completely unnecessary

Example of Physical Teasing:

She reached over to adjust his tie, smoothing the fabric between her fingers.
“There. You should try looking respectable once in a while.”
His lips quirked into a smirk. “Careful, darling. If you keep touching me like that, people might start talking.”

3. Double Meanings & Innuendos

This type of flirting is about implication. The words themselves might seem innocent, but the tone, expression, or context suggest something else entirely. It’s playful, often leading one character to pretend they didn’t mean anything suggestive, while the other character calls them out on it.

Think of:

• Saying something that could be completely normal, but isn’t

• Giving characters plausible deniability (“Oh? I didn’t mean it like that… unless?”)

• Leading the other person into responding in a flustered or equally suggestive way

• Works great in friends-to-lovers or cocky/playful love interests

Example of Innuendo:

“You’re staring, darling.”
“Am I? I was just… admiring your outfit.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Oh? What part of it exactly?”
She grinned. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

4. Eye Contact & Body Language

The way two characters look at one another sometimes says more than any words ever might. Remember Anthony and Kate Bridgerton? The body tells us a lot, especially in writing. Subconscious reactions mixed with eye contact make for a great mix of pining.

Think of:

• Holding eye contact just a second too long

• Looking at their lips instead of their eyes

• Mirroring each other’s movements

• Smirking when caught staring

• Swallowing, adjusting clothing, shifting weight (all subconscious reactions to attraction)

Example of Flirty Eye Contact:

Across the crowded room, their eyes met. He didn’t look away.
Neither did she. A slow smirk tugged at his lips, just enough to make her heart skip. He had her attention. And he knew it.

5. Friendly Rivalry

Ever seen two characters argue so much you just know they’re in love? That’s because playful competition is one of the most entertaining ways to create tension. When characters push each other’s buttons, it shows unspoken attraction.

Think of:

• Playful insults that hit just the right nerve

• Daring each other to do ridiculous things

• “Oh, you think you’re better than me?” moments

• A challenge that leads to a very close moment (“Loser buys drinks?”)

Example of Friendly Rivalry:

“You know, if you keep looking at me like that, I might start thinking you like me.”
“I was actually trying to figure out how long it would take me to outsmart you.”
“Oh? How’s that working out for you?” (Works especially well if the other character has fallen into their trap)
“I’ll let you know when I get there.”

6. Shyness & Blushing

Not all flirting is bold and confident. Some of the most charming flirtation comes from nervous energy, fumbled words, and the sheer panic of realizing you have a crush.

Think of:

• Stuttering, looking away, getting flustered

• Blushing at anything

• Trying (and failing) to be smooth

• Accidentally saying something embarrassing (“You have nice arms—uh, I mean—your arms are…normal. I mean—oh my god, never mind.”)

Example of Shy Flirting:

“You always do that.”
He frowned. “Do what?”
She hesitated, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “Look at me like you’re about to say something, then don’t.”
“Maybe I like watching you figure it out.”
Her breath caught for a second before she rolled her eyes and looked away. “That’s unfair.”
“Is it?” His voice was low, amused.
She exhaled a quiet laugh. “I don’t know… maybe just tell me.”
For a moment, it felt like he might. Instead, he leaned back, and smirked. “Where’s the fun in that?”

WRITING CHEMISTRY

Flirting is fun, but chemistry is what keeps readers hooked. Why do these characters belong together? What makes their interactions irresistible? You'll have to find a way to write two characters who challenge, complement, and ultimately see each other in a way no one else does.

1. Contrast in Personalities

Opposites attract for a reason. A bold, confident flirt paired with someone reserved and hesitant means you get instant tension. A free spirit who pulls a structured, rule-following character out of their comfort zone will create the good kind of chaos. This contrast creates friction, and friction keeps things interesting.

Example:

“Do you ever stop talking?”
“Not when I’m enjoying myself.”
“You’re enjoying this?”
“I do. And look at you, you’re having fun too.”
"I'm not," she said, though she hated to admit to herself that this was more interesting than what she had planned for herself earlier this evening. Even if it was chaotic. Even if she didn't like the music that played. Even if she didn't even like the person she was here with––the person who handed her a drink. She took it anyway.

2. Mutual Understanding

The best chemistry is built on attraction, yes, but there also has to be that click. Maybe it’s a shared experience, an inside joke, or an unspoken bond. It’s that thing that makes them feel like they belong together, even before they realize it themselves.

Example:

He passed her a cup of coffee, exactly how she liked it. There were no words, no questions. It was as if he understood exactly what she meant by the way she furrowed her brow, even though she hadn't realized she was craving a coffee.
“I didn’t even ask for this,” she said.
“You didn’t have to.”

3. Unresolved Tension

Something needs to hold them back, at least for a while. Whether it’s an external obstacle (rivalry, forbidden love, bad timing) or internal fear (past heartbreak, self-doubt), the push-and-pull dynamic makes their eventual closeness even more satisfying.

Example of Unresolved Tension:

He tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “You know this is a terrible idea.”
“I know,” her voice is barely above a whisper. 
“We should stop.”
“We should.”
Neither of them moves away.

4. Physical & Emotional Awareness

There is more to chemistry than the big moments. What is just as interesting, is the smaller moments. How they notice the little things about each other. How they remember details no one else does. How they react when the other is in the room.

Example:

She was surrounded by people, but he could still pick out the sound of her laughter in the crowd.

5. The Push & Pull Dynamic

They get close, but something always interrupts the moment, whether it’s external (a friend walking in, a duty calling them away) or internal (one of them pulling back before they get too close). It keeps the tension alive, making every interaction feel electric.

Example:

He leaned in, her breath hitched—
“Hey, guys!” someone called.
They jumped apart.
“Right,” he mumbled. “Perfect timing.”

THE SLOW BURN: MAKE FALLING IN LOVE FEEL REAL

Readers love to feel a relationship grow. The best romance isn’t rushed, but rather a journey. If you figure out to navigate the slow shift from “I tolerate you” to “I’m thinking about you more than I should” to “I don’t know how to live without you,” the buildup makes the payoff so much sweeter.

Stages of Falling in Love in Fiction

1. Intrigue & Initial Attraction

They notice each other. Maybe it’s a spark of curiosity. Maybe it's a physical attraction. Maybe it’s outright annoyance. Either way, they leave an impression. Something makes them impossible to ignore.

2. Growing Curiosity

They want to understand each other. Whether through rivalry, fascination, or forced proximity, they start paying attention. Maybe they challenge each other. Maybe they find excuses to talk.

3. Unexpected Moments of Vulnerability

This is where the walls start to crack. Maybe it’s a confession at 2 a.m. Maybe it’s a quiet moment of shared sadness. Either way, they see something real in each other, something that makes their connection deeper than just attraction.

4. Denial or Resistance

The I shouldn’t like them. I don’t like them. Do I like them? phase. This can stem from pride, fear, or just sheer stubbornness. Whatever the reason, they fight it, even though they’re already in too deep.

5. The Moment They Know

One gesture, one sentence, one moment when they realize. Maybe it’s dramatic, like seeing them with someone else. Maybe it’s subtler, like watching them laugh and knowing, yeah, that’s it.

6. Confession or Realization

Either they finally admit their feelings, or something (a crisis, a separation) forces them to face the truth. This is the payoff moment, the one that makes readers clutch the book to their chest and sigh.

Example:

“I don’t know when it happened,” he said, voice low.
“When what happened?” she asked.
“When I stopped wanting to be anywhere you weren’t.”

THE KISS

The almost moments are just as important as the actual kiss. The best romantic tension is built through anticipation. However, when you finally get to the kiss, you should make it count. This is the moment readers have been reading towards.

Ways to Build Up to a Kiss:

• Interrupted Kisses: The world keeps getting in the way, until it doesn’t.

• Unspoken Tension: They both know what’s coming but are pretending otherwise.

• Confessions Leading to a Kiss: “I shouldn’t want you, but I do.”

• Unexpected Kisses: A moment of pure, undeniable emotion takes over.

• The “Finally” Kiss: When the tension finally snaps, and they just go for it.

Example of a Romantic Payoff:

His fingers hesitated at her jawline, waiting for her to pull away. She didn’t. That was all he needed.

Writing Romance in Different Genres

Romance works across all genres, but the pacing and tropes change depending on what you’re writing. In romance novels, naturally, it is the main plot. But this isn't the case for all genres, and it is useful to know the differences across genres.

Romance Genre (60K-90K words)

• The romance is the main plot.

• The slow burn (or instant attraction) takes center stage.

• HEA (Happily Ever After) or HFN (Happy for Now) is expected.

Fantasy & Sci-Fi Romance (90K-120K words)

• Romance develops alongside the adventure.

• Often includes high-stakes tension (saving the world and each other).

• May involve supernatural or otherworldly barriers.

Thriller/Mystery with Romance (70K-100K words)

• Romance takes a backseat to the plot but adds emotional stakes.

• Tension comes from danger, secrets, and trust issues.

• Often includes forbidden romance elements.

Historical Romance (80K-120K words)

• Slow burns are very slow due to societal norms.

• Dialogue is often more formal, with longing looks prioritized over direct flirtation.

• Reputation, class differences, or war often complicate the romance.

Pro Tip: If your romance is a subplot, focus on how it affects the main character’s emotional arc rather than making it the driving force of the story.

CONCLUSION

Though it might seem difficult writing a romance story––or side plot––it doesn't have to be. As long as you pace your romance well enough, and include moments of flirtation and heat, you should be fine. At the end of the day, your story is yours. The tips in this article are meant to advise, not dictate. Every love story is different, and there is no one-size-fits-all tip for all romance stories. What's equally important is having a good time while writing, and if that means you write without any rules, so be it. That's how I do it, most of the time. And it has worked out for me so far.

If you want to read the kind of romance I've actually written, so you can see I'm not just pulling things out of nowhere, consider taking a look at my books.

Until next time,

Jake Zuurbier.

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Jake Zuurbier, born in 2002, is a writer with a broad background. With a degree in both Business and Management, his work in writing is combined with a business in books & home decor and multiple forms of other output like art pieces or meditations. He has worked jobs in retail and horeca, ranging from working kitchen in a hotel-restaurant to refugee center work.

In his free time, he is just as occupied. Photography, weight lifting, kickboxing, cooking and reading are amongst his hobbies. Most of the art in his books (and some pieces on this site) are made by himself.

To learn more, or get in contact, visit www.apolloimperium.com/jakezuurbier

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